How Do I Treat My Partner’s Children?

The concept of family has changed and diversified over the years. Among the many new models are reconstituted families, that is, those in which one or both adults have children from previous relationships. If you find yourself in this situation, probably one of the most common questions is: “ How should I treat my partner’s children? ”

This is, without a doubt, a demanding and challenging situation. However, it can also be an enjoyable and enriching experience. To rescue and enhance the most positive aspects and avoid, as far as possible, the most common problems, we offer some basic guidelines.

How to relate to those who have children?

Every relationship is different, but when there are other people involved in the equation (in this case, children), there are a number of challenges that we must add to the relationship.

However, with love, respect and communication on both sides, it is possible to enjoy a wonderful bond. To achieve this, keep the following aspects in mind.

accept the situation

If you are also a parent, you will be more aware of the implications of family life. However, if your partner has children and you don’t, it can be hard to imagine how this will affect the relationship. Children need care, attention and presence.

The work of parents is continuous. Maybe they can’t go out late. Your plans will include children’s activities and it may be that, in the middle of the night, one of the children will move into your bed.

Accepting that you’re not just joining one person, but an entire family, can be tricky, but it’s essential. You cannot blame the other for these aspects or ask them to ignore their children in favor of the relationship. Understanding and support are essential.

set limits

Starting a relationship with a person who has children can put you in an uncertain and ambiguous position. So it’s important that you talk to your partner and establish some basics.

For example, what does each of you expect from the relationship, what role will you adopt in your children’s lives, and how far your responsibility towards them will go. Clarifying these aspects early on can avoid misunderstandings and conflicts in the future.

Take care of the couple’s relationship

Although you are not the children’s father or mother, there will be many moments of coexistence. It is possible that you and your partner will fall into the absorbing routine of caring for your children and neglect the bond between you.

Finding space and time to be alone and thus continuing to build emotional intimacy is very necessary  so that they do not fall into dissatisfaction.

4 tips for treating your partner’s children

It is normal that, in the beginning, you do not know how to treat your partner’s children, as it is a situation that can cause concern for everyone involved. That’s why we’ve shared some tips that can help you have a more enjoyable experience.

1. Go step by step

Adapting to this new family structure can be difficult for everyone. That is why it is necessary for you to go little by little.

Make sure that the approach to your partner’s children occurs progressively. First in neutral places and then starting small moments of fellowship before fully sharing the home.

Likewise, don’t expect the relationship to flow well from the start. If that happens, great! But in the beginning, the treatment is likely to be cooler and more distant. This is natural; be patient with yourself and them.

2. Be understanding

Often, children’s first reaction to a parent’s new partner is rejection. Don’t take it personally.

Try to understand that this is a complicated circumstance for them, which implies the loss of what they know and in front of which they may feel fear and distrust. Give them space and try to be available but not invasive.

3. Build a relationship

Children are people and, as with adults, the affinity can be greater or lesser. However, it is positive to try to find common points that will allow them to build their own bond.

Perhaps you share an interest they can talk about or a hobby you both enjoy. Spending time together doing activities will help build a relationship of trust and closeness.

4. Take your place

It is important to keep in mind that you are not the parent of these children; therefore, the ultimate authority and decisions rest with their parents. However, as a partner to your parents, there needs to be respect.

Dealing with your partner’s children is a challenge.

Dealing with your partner’s children requires patience, understanding and perseverance. Whichever the case, remember to prioritize and take care of your mental health and emotional well-being throughout the process.

Make sure you communicate fluidly and assertively with your partner and seek professional support if you feel you need it.